


Cold

by silentwhisper002



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Daily Dose of Depression, Extended Scene, F/M, Feels, Good Friend Wilt Bozer (MacGyver TV 2016), Heartache, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, One-Sided Attraction, Riley's Perspective, Wishful Thinking, s4ep11 spoilers ahead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:01:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23867941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silentwhisper002/pseuds/silentwhisper002
Summary: WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD FOR MACGYVER SEASON 4 EPISODE 11An extended version of the ending scene of s4ep11 with Riley and Bozer. Riley's take on her feelings for Mac
Relationships: Implied Angus MacGyver/Desiree "Desi" Nguyen
Comments: 8
Kudos: 39





	Cold

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, yes, it's me. I'm back to give you more pain. 🙃

Cold. 

There was no other way to describe it, the emotion that swirled in her chest—if you could even call it an emotion at all. 

It was a horrible, prickling feeling that started in her chest and spread throughout until she was nothing but numb.

_Is this what true heartbreak feels like?_

She’d tried—God she’d done everything she could—to push and shove, box and bury every spark, every thought, every subtle touch that she knew was no more than a friendly gesture out of her mind, but at the end of the day it was never of use. 

He took another heart home, and she was left with no one but herself. 

“Give it a rest Riley.” 

Riley’s eyes only fluttered up from the distraction of her laptop when another voice filled the War Room. 

Bozer leaned against the door frame, question and amusement evident in his friendly gaze.

“You got the Merchant, the intel, and a handful of Codex operatives. Take a night off.”

She smiled at his suggestion, turning her attention back to the blinding screen. “Ah, this isn’t about Codex, I’m doing something way more stressful.”

When he didn’t respond, she shot him an exasperated look. “Apartment hunting.”

“You’re moving?” He sounded genuinely surprised, making a large outward gesture with his hands. “You don’t like my old room at Mac’s?”

Riley rolled her eyes at his antics, but he kept going anyways, still playfully feigning offense. “Look, I know that place is haunted, but that stupid priest was supposed to take care of it.”

Riley laughed at his banter. Leave it to Bozer to lift her spirits, even if it was only for a moment.

“No, I…” she searched around her brain for a viable excuse, “I just want to give Mac and Desi the space they deserve. That’s all.”

She continued typing, but Bozer’s silence indicated that he wasn’t buying it.

“Is that what you’re telling yourself?” His voice was softer now, less like the excitable kid he normally was. 

Riley pressed her mouth into a thin line, not wanting to think about the real reason behind her previous words. 

He sat down across from her, and she could feel the concern radiating off of him. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Riley attempted to brush him off. 

He remained silent, opting to just wait for her confession instead. 

Riley shifted in an uncomfortable manner. She knew Bozer only meant well, but he was Mac’s best friend, which was not exactly the kind of person you would normally confide in considering her predicament. 

A few moments of tense silence passed, before she finally caved. 

The agony and horror she’d felt watching Mac and Desi on the surveillance feed had been eating her alive since. The words seemed to shove themselves out of her mouth before she had a chance to stop them. 

“Don’t make me say it.”

“I won’t,” he responded, “but, I’m here if you want to talk.”

All Riley could offer him was a distant nod. She was still detached from reality, the earlier scene playing on loop in her memory. 

Seeing as she was in no state to continue their conversation, Bozer gave her one last friendly smile, before rising to his feet. “Good night, Riley.”

She said nothing, but watched him go, the pain—she was sure—visibly etched onto her face. Normally she was a pro at hiding her emotions, but today…she supposed it had just been too much, hearing Mac tell another that he loved her. 

She knew Mac loved her too, but it wasn’t in the way she wanted. The feelings he harbored for her were like those that a brother might carry for his sister. 

Riley was tired of being a sister. 

There it was again. 

The cold anger. 

She hated that she felt this way. Mac and Desi were two of her closest friends, if not _the_ closest. She had no right to carry this resentment. It would only cause her downfall in the end. 

Still. 

She’d heard it said that you couldn’t help who you fell for.

_God Mac, why’d it have to be you? Out of all the people on this earth, why did you have to come tearing into my life and wedge yourself in my heart?_

Riley knew the silence wouldn’t give her an answer, but that didn’t stop her from looking. 

She closed her eyes, allowing a pained, yet loving smile to form on her face. It was only in moments like these—in the quiet of solitude—that she allowed herself to feel. 

_I will bear it._ She reasoned, praying it would be enough to forget about the things she felt. _I will bear it because she makes him happy. And that’s all I want. For him to be happy. I will sit here and I will suffer every day if I have to, to keep that smile on his face. And maybe, one day…he’ll see me instead._

And so she’d wait—forever if she had to—for the day when finally his heart finally came home.

Home to her, where she felt it belonged. 

Until then, Riley knew the cold silence would continue to surround her, haunting her mind, day and night. 

Finally closing her laptop, she sat back, her feet up on the small wooden table in front of her, dark gaze focused on the ceiling above. 

Perhaps one day these emotions would fade, and another would take his place, though her lurching heart told her it was unlikely. 

Mac was different from the rest, she’d always known. He may be a special case, but he felt like no other, hurt like no other. And when he loved, it was unconditionally. 

That’s what’d first drawn her to him. His willingness to give her a second chance, to allow her into his life. 

Riley knew she deserved none of that, but he’d made room in his heart anyways. 

He was someone she’d never be able to forget. Not in a million years. 

No matter how many times Riley could push him away, there was no doubt in her mind she’d come crawling back. 

Just his presence alone was intoxicating enough. 

No. There would be _no_ other. Her pain would never cease. 

While she carried on, her heart would not.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> They ask you how you are and you just have to say that you're fine, when you're not really fine, but you just can't get into it because they would never understand.  
> *cues mad world*


End file.
